Oh Crap

The drive to Dallas was a sort of a downer, since I hadn’t seen Mommy’s letter. I had been a little bummed. Anyway, after dealing with some extra-shitty traffic, we got to our destination: A house that my Man’s friend owns in Highland Park. As soon as I saw the area, I was pretty excited. You’re not going to believe the guy’s name. Dallas. I’m not kidding. He had it tattooed on his chest. What is it called? Irony? Coincidence? I don’t know. So he took us out to eat, and I had a few drinks, and then we got back to the house. A bunch of people came over and I started having a really good time. And then the tequila came out.

Guys, I was bad. We played cool card games and three man and I was three man a lot and I got kind of drunk. I don't remember this, but my man says I got really flirty. And then even flirtier. And then I apparently took off all my clothes and grabbed guys dicks and broke stuff and puked all over the place. Well, not apparently, since there’s a picture of me passed out in my own vomit. Wow, I didn’t know my ass was that dirty.

I found out later my Man had to buy replacement stuff and pay Dallas so he could steam-clean his sofa. Um, I puked all over that, too. I’m really in a lot of trouble right now, especially since I don't have a job and don’t make any money.

Mommy, if you’re reading this, I woke up the next morning and Dallas let me online and saw that you had written me. So you still love me? I wasn’t sure. I like my Man, but he’s mad right now and I miss you.
My pussy hurts.

-Diddy’s Mug