Looking Back

OK, I’ve pieced together some things and I think a timeline would be helpful. Ready?


SATURDAY, MARCH 11
We leave Dallas, heading west. I’m locked in a box. I come to the realization that I’m horny.


WEDNESDAY, MARCH 15
We’re now north-east of Dallas in Nashville. We stop at a hotel and I get online in the lobby. I open a mysterious e-mail with a picture of a Spam can. I send Mommy an e-mail. Here it is:

Hi Mommy. I had a couple minutes to myself and just wanted to say Hi and tell you that I'm OK. We left Dallas and have been driving, but I was being bitchy so my Man started keeping me in a duffle bag. It smells like a cross between stinky shoes and beer. Sort of like when you used to take me camping.

I don't really know what's going on right now. I think we've been on the road five days. He hasn't been driving the whole time, and when he leaves the car, he hasn't been taking me with him. He takes me out at night though so I can sleep in a warm bed. It's nice.

Oh, I gotta go. We're going out to dinner. Maybe I can pick up some sort of clue about where we're at.

Love,
Your Mug


My Man happens to see that last sentence I wrote, and feels bad that he’s keeping things from me. He makes a mental note to explain some things. Mommy replies right away and it makes me so happy.


Please tell me you had nothing to do with those TX wildfires? I thought I raised you better than that...

I miss you lots, but have a stand in, someone else's lost hash mug...You two have met before I will try and get a picture of him and see if you remember...

It will be sad not having you with me at the ho-down...Please tell your keeper to take good care of you and not to get you into much trouble...

I saw the picture from Dallas' house, I should have warned you about Tequila it has the same affects on me..

Luv you!
Hope to see you soon
Mama Dids


Those Texas fires Mommy was talking about were mostly in the Texas panhandle, and burned an area close to the size of Delaware. I’m not kidding.


THURSDAY, MARCH 16
I find out the guys at the Dallas party used the Spam to rejuvenate my gaping hole. My Man sees the pictures and makes a mental note to explain the parts of the party I can’t remember because I blacked out. I get the first of several e-mails asking me why I didn’t post the letter I sent to Mommy and the reply she sent me. That’s already taken care of.


FRIDAY, MARCH 17
We’re in Knoxville and my Man starts getting sick.


MONDAY, MARCH 20
After spending the weekend suffering in a hotel room, my Man checks out of the hotel and checks into the E.R. I wind up in the car, back in the stinky duffle bag.


TUESDAY, MARCH 21
The people at the hospital diagnose my Man. They say he’s got a severe bacterial infection, and that however he caught it, the bacteria spread really quickly. They explain that the bacteria produced toxins and that’s why he’s sick. They shake their heads and can’t believe he got out of the hotel and into the E.R. on his own power. He’s hooked up to an I.V. and is on about 200 medications. Actually, how many medications do they make? He’s on that many.


WEDNESDAY, MARCH 22
My Man calls Junk Stuffer, who posts something online.


FRIDAY, March 24
My Man comes and gets me and we go to a new hotel in Knoxville. He looks like poo that was microwaved, chilled and heheated. Not that I’ve seen rewarmed poo, but hey. He looks worse than normal poo.

SATURDAY, March 25
This morning. My Man wakes up and he showers and he looks better. We have one of those hotel breakfasts and then we talk. I have some questions, and when I don’t ask the questions, he makes good on all his mental notes. And he has a bombshell.
But I’ll save that for later.

-Diddy’s Mug