The Adventures of Diddy's Mug

WARNING

2007-07-30T00:20:00.006-04:00

NOT WORK FRIENDLY. You might see guest stars who were hired to show their naughty bits.

If you want to read the story from the beginning, go to the Archive over there on the right-hand column and start with February 2006.

-Diddy's Mug's Man

--

Mission Accomplished

2007-07-29T21:49:00.000-04:00

Mister X and Diddy's Good Mug had a long talk on the plane ride home, and it helped Mister X understand how special she was. While Diddy's Evil Mug would be going back to Diddy soon, Mister X realized that a life of drinking and debauchery would be hellish for our heavenly heroine.

So Mister X devised a plan.

With a little inspiration from the bible, Diddy's Good Mug just might be able to go back to where she belonged.

Suddenly, it got very still. The wind stopped blowing, and the sun seemed to get just a little bit brighter.

Mister X raised Diddy's Good Mug up to the sky... and let go.

And Diddy's Good Mug started floating.

Mister X was sure he heard Angels singing as he watched Diddy's Good Mug get smaller and smaller, and slowly disappear. Just after he lost sight of the Mug, Mister X heard a faint ringing, like the sound a quarter makes when somebody flips it into the air. And it kept getting louder.

And right into Mister X's gloved hand... landed the halo.

I'm sure you can all come up with different explanations for that. I'd like to think that Diddy's Good Mug finally got her real halo, and no longer needed the earthly one.

And what better present could Mister X get for going beyond the call of duty? He decided the perfect place for the halo would be on his own Trash Mug. And he would keep it there forever.

THE END

Perfect Timing

2007-06-24T21:43:00.000-04:00

The two mugs met under the tree and it was a joyous occasion. But they weren't in the clear yet. Where was Mister X?

No time to think about that now. They had to run for cover.

They made it to the back side of the property and got tied up in some of the desert shiggy.

But those huge cactus also provided great places to shield themselves from human eyes. They heard a lot of commotion over near the studio. Oh no! Did the humans already find out Diddy's Good Mug was gone?

Just then, a powerful, gloved hand scooped up the two fleeing mugs and shoved them in a bag. Diddy's Good Mug was finally safe!

The Great Escape

2007-05-12T21:37:00.000-04:00

Diddy's Good Mug was graced with heavenly powers, and was able to sense a positive presence as soon as Mister X got close. She felt drawn toward the guest house where Hoover Daaamn's Mug was hiding. That magnetism gave her the energy to attempt an escape.

Using rope she was recently tied with for a bondage scene, Diddy's Good Mug was able to get outside the steel doors and climb down to the ground.

Run, Diddy's Good Mug!

She quickly made it to the edge of the property and ran along the wall toward the guest house.

She heard a human nearby and decided to hide for a moment. Wow, was she scared!

The beauty of the landscaping gave her strength, and she found the courage to continue.

One last sprint across an open, grassy part of the property led her to the side of the guest house.

Diddy's Good Mug reached the tree where Hoover Daaamn's Mug was hiding, and knew something spectacular was about to happen.

A Good Idea

2007-04-10T21:30:00.000-04:00

I'm back at the porn studio for the last part of my assignment.

There's too much going on near the main entrance, with gates and cameras, so I will have to shift to Plan B.

A drive around the area leads me to believe I can infiltrate the property from the back, through this fence.

My Global Positioning System will lead me to the correct spot.

OK, I've made it to the edge of the property. This is the guest house, next to the studio. The mansion and main drive are on the other side, so I'll have better luck here avoiding security if I work from here.

I need something to lure Diddy's Good Mug, in case breaking into the studio leads to unforeseen problems. Hoover Daaamn's Mug will work.

Keep still and stay out of sight.

A Score for Mister X

2007-03-14T21:14:00.000-04:00

All the information I've gathered tells me that Diddy's Evil Mug is near this lighthouse. I've seen this before. It's on the west side of Lake Michigan.

I'm getting closer.

This looks like it.

Yup. A perfect match.

Is that the Mug off in the distance?

Hey, Diddy's Evil Mug found a companion. All the better.

YOINK.
One down, one to go.

We Found a New Home

2007-02-17T21:04:00.000-05:00

We finally drank our fill and traveled north to find a place to crash. We hopped into a pickup truck outside the Miller Brewery and ended up in Port Washington, right on the lake. Hell yeah.

Check out all those boats. We might have to steal one later.

Some people were having a party on their boat right next to the boardwalk. More beer for us.

And right next to the boat... all the food we could eat. Dine and dash of course.

Wow, it was windy on that side of the storm wall.

At the end of the pier-thing was a lighthouse.

Shit, it was really windy out there. We almost got pushed into the water. Sometimes weighing mere ounces totally sucks.

We finally found a cool spot on a beach not too far from the lighthouse.

This is paradise. We're staying here.

The Third Brewery

2007-01-20T22:20:00.000-05:00

Now this is huge. We've finally arrived at the Miller Brewing Plant.

Here we are lounging around outside. We got to the patio between tours so we had the whole place to ourselves. The buzz we have going on is fucking sweet.

In the Envelope

2007-01-18T17:53:00.000-05:00

Trapped in an icy, mustardy tomb, the bib starts its journey back to its rightful owner.

Prep

2007-01-01T04:08:00.000-05:00

A Christmas Gift

2006-12-25T15:41:00.000-05:00

Looks like we got a surprise Christmas present.

But there's a problem here.
Look at the middle rule.

So we have to figure out what to do.

Mister X on the Hunt

2006-12-17T14:05:00.000-05:00

I get to L.A. and make a beeline for the San Pornando Valley. I quickly get my bearings and start rising above the valley into the hills. Diddy's Good Mug is getting fucked in a studio at a hilltop estate.

I get a little higher.

I'm now at the top of the hill, above the smog, moving along the ridgeline. L.A. is there on the left.

The estate is somewhere on this street.

I'm close now.

The Mug is here.

This is it.
I'll return later after I develop a game plan.

Welcome to LostHashProperty

2006-12-12T21:10:00.001-05:00

I understand there are a number of you who are new to LostHashProperty. Here's a quick summary:

THE BEGINNINGS
Diddy left her mug at an event and it was found by a Trasher. And a really fat chihuahua.

He handed off the mug to another Trasher, who stuffed his junk in it as a joke. He then started this website and posted the pic. This shocked the hashing world to its very core (I don't know what that means). All I know is that, as seen from the very beginning, you never know when this site will be WORK UNFRIENDLY. Let me rephrase that: UNFRIENDLY TO LOOK AT WHEN YOU'RE AT WORK.

That second Trasher was accused of taking the mug. No longer wanting to be linked to the frivolity, he mailed the Mug to a third party and even handed over his whole persona. He dubbed the new guy Junk Stuffer and gave him control of the website.

Junk Stuffer was then instructed to mail Diddy's Mug to some mystery person, who would be motivated to take Diddy's Mug on adventures, and NEVER reveal his identity to ANYONE, even the original two Trashers. This mystery person is a non-hasher and a freelance porn photographer only known as Diddy's Mug's Man.

THE SUPER-SWEET STORY
Diddy's Mug's Man was making Diddy's Mug very happy, until Diddy got nasty and talked shit. Diddy's Mug's Man then started several quality torturing sessions.

Because of an electrical mishap, Diddy's Mug was transformed into two mugs: Diddy's Good Mug and Diddy's Evil Mug. The mugs ran away.

Diddy's Evil Mug went to Milwaukee (The Beer Capital of the United States) and started touring breweries. That's where D'sEM found Narcissister's Mug. They are now touring breweries together.

Diddy's Good Mug is trying to find something, but wasn't finding it fast enough, so she stole a car. She got arrested and was bailed out by Bubba, who sold her to hashers in California, who in turn sold her to the porn industry. D'sGM has a clean bill of health and condomless filming has gotten underway.

Diddy's Mug's Man called a black-gloved mystery man named Mister X. Mister X formulated a plan to get the mugs back, and left to start searching. Before he left, he took his own lost property with him, thinking it might come in handy at some point. His property is Hoover Daaamn's Mug.

That's where everyone stands. Good luck to all.

Questions or comments here:
shootingstarhash@gmail.com
Some comments get posted.

And hey, Diddy: we always enjoy hearing from you.

A Good Lay

2006-11-29T20:26:00.000-05:00

Introducing Diddy's Good Mug in her debut adult film. Hurray! No one was allowed to hang out on set, so all pictures were taken through a video feed from the Green Room. The movie is a mix of two scenes... with the mug being fucked by a human, and two humans going at it at the same time. The directors thought it would help the scene along if everyone saw a real girl get cummed on first, and then see Diddy's Good Mug in her own cum shot.

Oh, and by the way: for some reason, the porn producers were OK with the No Bodily Fluids rule. So that still applies.

Oh my... he slides it in.

The dildo comes out.

Here's the human scene.

Get ready. Uhhhhhhhh...

Ohhh...

Ohhhhhhhh!!!!!!

It looks like Diddy's actor is starting to get that special tingle, too.

He's got to finish off by hand.

He grabs a a shirt. Uhhh...

Ohhhhh!!!!!!!!

Wow, the Mug's scene is almost over.

Hey, it looks like her halo has another use.

No More Condoms

2006-11-20T22:54:00.000-05:00

The people in control of Diddy's Good Mug decided she needs to be fucking guys/objects condomless. So she needed a full medical workup for STD's. Yeah, I know D'sGM is a mug, but the porn industry is very strict and requires constant testing of everyone involved. Dr. L.G. Bush administers the tests for many of the industry's players, and was quick in returning the results for D'sGM. It looks like it will be a bareback debut for our heroine.

Screen Test

2006-11-19T13:47:00.000-05:00

Diddy's Good Mug is ready for a Porn Screen Test. The male in this scene is Pucker.

WOAH! He whips out his beefy schlong and KUHPLOW!

Screen tests are usually done with condoms. And it looks like they're trying the dirty back door. Go Diddy's Good Mug! Take that beefy cock!

Time for the Screen Test Cum Shot. Not too many people outside the porn industry get to see this kind of thing. Consider yourself lucky.

Uhhhhhh.... OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Congratulations, D'sGM. You're hired. And you're officially an up-and-cumming porn star.

Sold into Porn

2006-11-18T16:39:00.000-05:00

No, this isn't a joke. Diddy's Good Mug has actually been sold to the mega-profitable porn industry in Southern California's San Pornando Valley. It looks like Bubba and the awful SoCal Mugs were in cahoots to make this happen.

Diddy's Good Mug has been turned into nothing more than a hole for a bunch of cum-shooting penises. What a horrific fate for such a kind-hearted soul.

A Good Update

2006-11-04T17:47:00.000-05:00

It's been a couple months since we've heard from Diddy's Good Mug. As you can see, D'sGM is currently in California.

But wait, this isn't for fun. Oh shit, what do we have here? Bubba is giving Diddy's Good Mug to some SoCal hashers. I wonder if any money exchanged hands?

And I wonder what the plan is? Knowing the luck D'sGM has had recently, I can't think this is a positive turn of events.

Mister X

2006-10-24T20:32:00.000-04:00

Ring.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm Mister X. When did they run away?
I can find what you need. But I'm not cheap."

"Tell me what you know. OK. I'm leaving right now. I'll contact you."

OK, you're coming with me.

You might come in handy.

The Second Brewery

2006-09-20T21:45:00.000-04:00

Our next stop: Lakefront Brewery.

We make a beeline for the good stuff.

We actually got to take a few gulps before the nice lady behind the counter suggested we find a table.

It seems they were between tours at the time, so we had most of the place to ourselves. This is us scoping out the place. Not too much later, we stole a few drink tickets from the tour-group stragglers, and drank ourselves silly.

Narcissister's Mug

2006-09-19T22:26:00.000-04:00

After our tasting at Sprecher, we hitched a ride to our next destination. As you can see, I let Narcissister's Mug take the window seat.

Apparently, Narcissister left her Mug somewhere at NC/SC a few months ago. Someone picked her up and took her home. Narcissister's Mug and her new owner both found out about this website, and the owner got either my owner or Junk Stuffer to contact Narcissister. But she never replied.

Figuring that Narcissister didn't care about her Mug anymore, Narcissister's Mug's new owner tried to figure out what Evil thing to do. While that was going on, Narcissister's Mug took a cue from my own life story and RAN AWAY. HA! And to think we both ended up in the same place. Wild.

Two Great Finds

2006-09-19T19:00:00.000-04:00

The driver dropped me off at the Sprecher Brewery. He said he really likes a couple of their beers. They have a tour and a tasting.

This is the Sprecher mascot. It's a Griffin, which is half-eagle, half-lion. Apparently, Griffins like beer.

WOAH! Look what I found inside the gift shop next to the fat griffin. It's Narcissister's Mug!

Now I'm speechless. Not only is there another runaway Mug here, but we're surrounded by delicious beer.

I wonder if these barrels used to hold anything cool, like booze? Did I mention that's Narcissister's Mug standing next to me?

This is what the brewery has on tap for us today.

We get someone to help us sign our owners' names on the guest list.

First Sight

2006-09-18T23:53:00.000-04:00

Just look at that. We get to the Beer Capital of the United States and the first thing I see is a beer sign.

The driver asks me where I want to go now that I'm here. I just mumble incoherently until he shakes me a little. I tell him I want beer. Lots of it. He says he knows just the place.

Drive: Day 2

2006-09-18T21:28:00.000-04:00

Indiana after sunrise.

Fuck, this state is flat.

I asked the driver if we could blow that shit up. He just snorted and said he's seen a lot worse. The only good bus would be one with a beer logo on it. I have spoken.

Into Illinois. No sign. Do you feel disappointed? Bite me then.

Apparently, there's never a shortage of road work jobs in Chicago.

The Chicago skyline.

Right two lanes, dipshit. I've got beer to find. Hurry up.

Yes, baby. Cum to daddy.

Drive: Day 1

2006-09-18T07:23:00.000-04:00

Thank Satan. I'm finally out of that shitty state. Maybe Tennessee will be a little better. Actually, things are already looking up. The driver isn't that bad. He bought me beer at the truck stop right before we hit the state line. I'm feeling good now.

Good. Dreary days rock.

Oh shit. Hide the beer.

Traffic in Nashville.

This is the BellSouth building in downtown Nashville. Also known as the Batman Building.

Into Kentucky.

Woah, I'm really drunk. The driver says he's going to crash for a few hours. He's been driving all day.

Finding Transportation

2006-09-17T23:15:00.000-04:00

Rrrrrggggggg. Nothing stands in my way.

I don't need to stinkin' hands to hitchhike. All I need is my evil stare.

Hell yeah. Some poor sap stopped for me.

Take me to Milwaukee. And open the door for me, damn you.

Evil Mission

2006-09-17T22:57:00.000-04:00

OK, fucksticks. Here I am, getting out of the shiggy. I've got to find a house and a computer. I need to move on the bigger and better things.

I'm sure this path leads somewhere.

Well, looky here. A whole stack of houses to choose from.

So I broke in and got to a computer. The first thing I did is log in to this site to find out what was up with my wimpy Good twin. Ha. Idiot. Then I decided to search for "Beer Capital of the United States" and find out what pops up. Holy shit, check this out. I'm going to Milwaukee, bitches.

Bail (With Strings Attached)

2006-09-12T19:04:00.000-04:00

A man named Bubba has bailed out Diddy's Good Mug. Check out his huuuuuge dick.

In return for putting up the bail money, Bubba decided he wanted a hole. Note the odd drinking and/or smoking device on the left. Bubba's big and dumb, but he's apparently smart and worldly too. If you're thinking Bubba wouldn't have possibly put up bail just for a piece of tail, you're right. Stay tuned...

Nothing Good About This

2006-09-08T18:15:00.000-04:00

Diddy's Good Mug ended up in a grungy cell with a dirty floor. One phone call? That's apparently a myth. No call. No food. What kind of jail is this? This is definitely NOT what Diddy's Good Mug was compelled to search for.

Good Lord

2006-08-27T12:30:00.000-04:00

Poor mug. Poor stupid mug who can't drive a car. It didn't take Diddy's Good Mug too long to get pulled over. In a stolen car. With no driver's license. Or any other ID of any kind.

The cop was none too happy. I mean, holy shit, Diddy's Good Mug doesn't have any arms or legs. How the hell is it going to navigate a vehicle?

At least the cop had somewhere to put the cuffs. Hand cuffs? Nope. Handle cuffs.

So away goes Diddy's Good Mug, off to jail.

Good Mug Turns Bad???

2006-08-19T18:14:00.000-04:00

OK, so it took me two weeks to get down the hill and explore everything the area had in store. At that rate, I'll never reach my goal. But lookie here. I'm in a nearby parking lot, and here's a car with the keys in the ignition.

This could be my only chance. Here I go. Wish me luck.

More Searching

2006-08-19T00:05:00.000-04:00

Apparently this town has a long and odd history. Down the hill from the private cemetery is this slave cemetery.

It's not as kept up as the other cemetery, but the sign says the land is protected and there are volunteers who look after things.

So I walked around for a while and didn't feel anything here, either. Oh well. Off I go again.

Searching for Goodness

2006-08-06T09:59:00.000-04:00

It might serve me well to tell you about my intentions. Because of how I was created, and since I am among the Good of the world, I have been instilled with a faith that extends beyond our tangible universe. This faith includes a belief in the afterlife, which I feel compelled to find. Since I am alone and unfamiliar with everything, I will just keep traveling until I find what I'm looking for.

I've been told that a cemetery might be a good place to start. It's among the places on Earth most linked to a belief in the afterlife.

I approached one of the bigger grave markers, or whatever you call them, in hopes of getting inspired. Wow, this guy died a long time ago.

I didn't feel anything from Mr. Pace. I wonder if he's been gone too long to care about Earth people. I tried to concentrate but some human interrupted me. Apparently, this is a private cemetery and I'm not wanted here. I'd like to say I was discouraged, but this was my first stop. I'll keep going.

Diddy's Good Mug

Goodness

2006-07-23T17:54:00.000-04:00

Hi, you lovely hashers. I'm Diddy's Good Mug. I feel horrible that I ran away, but my evil twin threatened me. Also, I have a goal I'm compelled to bring to fruition. I'll get into that later. Right now, I have to start my journey. I love you all.

Private Property

2006-07-17T18:27:00.000-04:00

Check out that little flood barrier. Lame. It wasn't even CLOSE to a challenge.

And look what I found over the ridge. A gigantic construction site. I stepped all around those wires because I'm not afraid of a little jolt. What could possibly happen? I could turn around and see a third mug next to me? Yawn.

I was also digging it when I was skulking around a site nearby that had a huge crane.

The abandoned lot down the street had a curious building still standing there. It looked locked...

...but was it? Not when a mug as strong as me can force my way in.

Sweet. An antique car wash. I love busting into shit.

Evil

2006-07-12T22:24:00.000-04:00

Hey you fuckers. I'm Diddy's Evil Mug. I like fucking and drinking and fucking with stuff. Basically, I'm just like Diddy's original Mug, but without the cute bullshit. Now that I escaped, I'm free to do whatever the hell I want. And right now, I want to go hashing.

Hell yeah, bitches. Check this shit out. Hashing for the aggressive types. Knocking shit down and breaking into private property. I'll just go into this shiggy and see where I wind up. Later, fucktards.

Gaps in the Story

2006-07-09T10:44:00.000-04:00

Let me try to fill in some blanks for you.

The last time we knew where Diddy's Mug Man was staying, it was in Siloam, Georgia to photograph a freaky teen. It was there that Diddy's Mug and her Man read some e-mail they received.

After the photography session, they drove to Macon, Georgia, where the torture session occurred. Apparently, the plan was to then head down to Orlando. But an electrical mishap created two mugs.

Confused, scared and not thinking too clearly, Diddy's Mug's Man talked the two mugs into driving with him two hours north to Atlanta. His secret plan was to get close to one of the world's largest airports, assuming any plan he came up with would involve flying all three of them somewhere, or at least sending the mugs somewhere by themselves. Apparently, one of his ideas was to fly both Mugs back to Diddy and have HER figure out what to do. Not smart, and not nice.

What Diddy's Mug's Man didn't realize at the time was that the Mugs wanted to get on a plane too, but to RUN AWAY to their own unknown destinations. So they were nice on the drive up, but as soon as they got to Atlanta, they became impossible to handle, and all the Man could do was keep them in the hotel. He tried to leave once but found they were trying to escape. When I called, he had spent DAYS locked in the hotel, ordering room service for every meal, combing the internet to figure out what to do. Yeah, like he was going to find a solution for THIS.

I got there and immediately told him to leave for a few days to get his head clear. During this time, I convinced the Mugs that I could help them achieve whatever goals they had if they worked with me. Soon, we were out of the hotel to give housekeeping a chance to finally fix up the place. Everything was fine until we got to the spot where I took that last photo looking out over Atlanta. They both got a taste of freedom and bolted. Yeah, you heard me right. I lost the mugs. Oh crap, I think I'm in trouble.

-JS

Diddy's Two Mugs

2006-06-26T21:10:00.000-04:00

Saying I'm stunned would be an understatement. I'd love to write this huge build-up and smack you with this, but I'm too damned bewildered to try. I get here and Diddy's Mug's Man is beside himself. It wasn't the fact that his little electrical episode spawned another mug. His problem lies in the fact that he's having to deal with both a GOOD mug and an EVIL mug. They don't really get along too well and they both don't like him because he's too deviant to be good, but he's apparently too much of a pussy to be evil.

You can tell the mugs apart because the good mug has a cute little halo.

I've got a lot of ground to cover with you guys, but I can't get into the story right now. I'll have to deal with that later.

-JS

JS Investigates

2006-06-22T22:31:00.000-04:00

Hey, it's Junk Stuffer.

In case you haven't noticed, there's been a lull in the postings that has stretched more than two weeks now. The last time there was a noticeable break, Diddy's Mug's Man was in the hospital. So I gave him a call. The last posting was him having some sort of electrical drama, and I wanted to know what happened. Holy shit, that guy had some sort of meltdown. I don't have time to describe our phone conversation right now, because I'm jumping on the car to go get him and find out about his... um... property. It's a long drive, and I've got to get started. Wish me luck.

-JS

120 Volts

2006-06-01T20:11:00.000-04:00

HA HA

Take THAT Diddy's Mug

Ahhh! Oh Shit!!!

Uhhhh... Oh no. What happened?

Mommy's Latest Letter

2006-06-01T17:40:00.000-04:00

Hey. It's Diddy's Mug's Sadist again. I got a letter from Diddy the other day. I say "I got" the letter because I'm not letting the mug go anywhere or do anything. Any online reading is off limits too. Here it is.

To my mug...

I have not forgotten about you...Maybe it's you who has forgotten about me...Where was my "Happy Mother's Day" E-mail? Why didn't you let me know you were in the area...

Whoever sent you that email doesn't know what they're talking about...I check the site every couple of days and was shocked when I found out you were in VA Beach hanging out with other Trashers a week before I was in the same area...

Sounds like your man is still taking pretty good care of you, but it also sounds like things are going to get rough Let the games begin is what your man said, hopefully he won't be to rough on you..

I felt bad reading some of the emails you got...I don't think it is your fault, you are being pressured to do some of these acts and your man will pay for what he's made you do!

Sending you much love on Mother's Day, take care, use condoms and all that jazz

Still missing you!
Mama-Diddy

It looks like I've got to address a few things here, directed mostly at Diddy.

1. No matter what your mug says about it being "her site," it's not. I am in control here. Which means you shouldn't expect Mother's Day letters unless I show her a calendar and let her on a computer.

2. Why would I let your mug tell you we were up in NC and VA? Do you think I would schedule visitation? This isn't some cute little play date. Your mug is being held HOSTAGE. If you heard that word on TV, you'd be visualizing guns and maybe some rope and screaming and police and negotiators. Yes, I was giving your mug bubble baths and allowing perks, but that's because I have a decent perspective on the situation and I'm not getting carried away. Now I'm torturing your mug because I think you need your own perspective. YOU continually lose your stuff, and this time, BOTH of you are paying a price.

3. It's only by my good graces that I've allowed your mug to be slutty. Yes, Hide the Penis in the Spam Cube was not under her control, but she DID get drunk all by herself to make that event happen. And she picked up on guys like those ones from overseas all by herself. It was even her idea to have that guy jerk off in front of her in South Carolina. I'm letting your mug be herself, and this is what she is.

4. I honestly don't believe you miss your mug as much as you say you do. But despite what you probably think, I'm actually a fairly nice guy. So I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. I'll do one more act of torture and then move on to some other type of entertainment. Hmmm... what can I dream up? Oh, I know...

This should prove interesting. Oh, and by the way, if you EVER want to see your mug again... and I'm being totally serious here... in the future, I would avoid saying this like "Your Man will pay for what he's made you do." I'll let that comment slide. This time.

-Diddy's Mug's Psycho HOSTAGE Taker

Domestic Abuse

2006-05-26T15:35:00.000-04:00

This is fantastic. And I thought being a gentleman was rewarding. Fuck that. You've never lived until you've smelled a mug charring on a grill. Yes, those are ACTUAL flames. Wow, I'm getting a chub just looking at it.

-Diddy's Mug's Sadist

Torture Times Five

2006-05-19T20:14:00.000-04:00

Whaddup wanks. I thought I'd start off a little light for my first torture session. You know, nothing too extreme. The steel wool made her squeal a little. The Fresca was my favorite. 12 ounces of foo-foo diet nonsense in a Carolina Trash beer mug. She was screaming "No, please not that!" It's like throwing holy water on Dracula. Oh shit, good times.

-Diddy's Mug's Man

One More Letter

2006-05-14T11:27:00.000-04:00

This is Diddy's Mug's Man. I just saw Diddy's Mug on the internet posting some letters and responses. She seemed a little upset, so I'm giving her a bubble bath and am going through our in-box. Wow, I had no idea she received that much e-mail. By the looks of some of them, I know why she would be upset, but I think there's more to it than that. There was one letter that I found very interesting. I would have to think the sender would want to remain anonymous, so I x'ed out some words.

Hi Diddy's Mug

Your Mommy may have given up on you. She didn't even know you passed through NC until I told her about it xxxx xxxx xxxxxxx. Perhaps she was distracted by all the boys xxxxxx xxx xxxxxxxxx xx xxx xxxxx xxxxxx looking for some holes to stuff. She doesn't even have her priorities right. She is working instead of xxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxx xx xxxx xxxxxxx. It's like she turned into an adult or something. Anyways, have fun with your Man. Hopefully mommy hasn't completely forgetten about you.

Xxxxxxx Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Do you know what I call this? Some non-attention bullshit. So Diddy lost interest in her precious mug, eh? Well, I don't have to care about a vessel either. Let the games begin.

-Diddy's Mug's Man

Letters

2006-05-13T07:27:00.000-04:00

Like I told you last time, I got a ton of mail over that post from South Carolina. Apparently, I'm an uncaring slut. I've finally been able to respond to everyone. Here is some of the stuff I got in my in-box and how I replied.

Dear Diddy's Mug:

Oh my God. I got in so much trouble at work. You posted those pictures of that guy masturbating near you and my supervisor walked by just as I was scrolling past it. Can't you warn people before you post dirty stuff on your page? Damn.

Norman M
Black Jack, Missouri

Dear Norman:

Wow, you're checking up on me from work? I should be flattered that you can't even wait until you get home. Ha.

Anyway, you asked me to create some sort of warning before I post something work-unfriendly to my page. You mean my page with "I Have Your SHIT" scrawled across the top? Norman... Get a clue, please.

Love,
Diddy's Mug

Dear Diddy's Mug:
You say you won't do a guy without a condom, but the first picture on this site is a condomless guy tea-bagging you. What gives?

Ryan B
Torrington, CT

Dear Ryan:

I wasn’t exactly OK’ing the episode surrounding that first pic. It’s not like I can run. But I'm impervious to human STD's anyway.

When it comes to sex, I plan on being Mommy's full-time vessel again sooner or later, and I want her to be happy to drink out of me. The thought of bodily fluids ever touching her mug would no doubt gross her out. Plus, the no-bodily-fluids rule goes along nicely with the general rule of Trash bibbings. I told my Man about this early on. When the Dallas Spam incident happened, he was looking out for me and gave them condoms. That’s why you see a condom in the photo.

Thank you for writing.
Diddy's Mug

Dear Diddy's Mug:

I just went into my children's room and saw them on your site. They were giggling at the picture of that man's penis. Can't you find wholesome things to post? I don't appreciate you polluting my children with your outlandish behavior.

Cindy C
Florence, CO

Dear Cindy:

This is a private site. The person who originally took me set up this site so it does not show up on search engines. If I were a parent, I think I would be more worried about the people your children are hanging out with, because obviously, someone they know gave them my website address.

If you're so worried about protecting your children, why don't you have a blocker on your computer? If you had one, this site would have NEVER came up because of the language. Also, since you don't have a blocker, do you realize how many sites are publically available that your children can look at? Yes, actual PORN sites. Cindy, please learn to be a decent parent before you criticize anyone else.

Thank you,
Diddy's Mug

Dear Diddy's Mug:

I am appalled at your behavior. Early on, I felt bad that you were abducted, and then felt a sense of joy knowing your Man was treating you well. But your recent exploits are not moral, and it's upsetting to see you travelling down the path of sin. I hope you can find it within yourself to restore your sense of innocence and self-worth.

Betty F
Laredo, Texas

Dear Betty:

You and I are obviously different, and I'm not just talking about exterior appearances. I respect your opinions and beliefs, and at the same time, I expect you to respect mine, especially since I didn't ask you to view this page. Not everyone can be like you, and if we were, you would have no one to preach to. And by the way, who are you to decide what's moral? Sex and nakedness might be immoral to you because of what you've been told, or how you've interpreted whatever Holy Book you own, but let me fill you in on something shocking: There is more than one religion. So what makes you think you're the one who's right? What I'm doing is called having FUN. And trying to convince me that what I do is immoral is not going to stop me.

While I'm on the subject, if you don't like how I have fun, Google "Sesame Street" and view some wholesome entertainment. Oh, but wait... I don't mean to burst your conservative bubble, but Bert and Ernie have a thing for each other. Can you say GAY SUBTEXT? Ha. Asshat.

Love,
Diddy's Slutty Mug

We're in Georgia Now

2006-05-06T00:58:00.000-04:00

Oh shit, did I get mail over that last post. I'm doing responses for the best ones right now. While I'm busy doing that, here's me in Siloam, west of Augusta, right off I-20. My Man was having issues trying to get me in the shot with the water tower, so he ended up having to hold me at arm's length with one hand, and snapping the shot with the other.

We're here because he got an extra credit photo shoot with a freaky teen. He can't post photos, but below is a random girl in a similar pose to the one that brought him here. Apparently, she's pretty bendy.

Fun in South Carolina

2006-04-28T20:51:00.000-04:00

Ohhh, this is a story. So here we are, driving through BFE South Carolina and we get to this abandoned 76 station in the middle of nowhere. Since my Man is connected with porn, he knows where all the extra-happening parties are located, anywhere in the country, and this place is THE place in the area. Believe it or not, this craptacular building gets beyond interesting when the party-planners decide to throw something. Well, they knew my Man was going to be around, and they were more than happy to open up shop. And I had NO IDEA this would be happening. We were at this local's house that my Man sort-of knows, and all of a sudden, my Man pulls this thing out of a duffle bag...

Apparently, the planners demand to see ID to protect their asses, and since there's no way I can get an ID, we needed to prove that I was OK. But when my Man called back and said he would have a guest, they got strange on him and said his adult-type presence wouldn't be enough to protect them from trouble. They said they would need to see me with someone that wouldn't be considered a significant-other or a fuck-buddy. Think of it this way: If Nabokov's Lolita came to the party, the old dude she was with wouldn't exactly be the moral center of the universe. Not that my Man is old, but you get what I mean. So being the wise, wordly Man he is, he was able to find my STUNT MOMMY.

Tell me this isn't the coolest thing on the planet. Her mouth is almost as big as mine. It was perfect. My Man showed us together, and we got right in. And what a party it was. I was SURROUNDED by dick, just as the guys were surrounded by pussy. Everyone was dry-humping and sucking and fucking and WOW.

They didn't allow cameras inside, and actually patted us down before we went in. But being the stealthy genius he is, my Man snuck in a tiny digital camera and was able to snap a few shots in the back room. Here's me with one guy.

I don't do humans who don't have condoms, so he just jerked off next to me. But it was cool seeing the load, especially since it was the sight of me that caused it. I have a pic of The Finish, but I'm still trying to figure out how to extract it from the cam-video we took. Would you guys mind waiting to see it? Well, I guess you don't have a choice. Ha. Overall, we had a great time checking everyone out and drinking and watching orgies and nakedness and gyrating and stuff. What a wild night in the middle of nowhere.

Mommy's Home State

2006-04-28T03:23:00.000-04:00

Here we were a couple days ago, stopping at some really neat place on the water for dinner. In North Carolina. Yes, I know that's where Mommy lives. (Hi, Mommy.) My Man decided not to give me back yet, so he said he didn't want to step into a strange situation by going inland to say Hi. He was thinking there would be drama. Especially because I'm Trash, and we all know what Trash does best. D.R.A.M.A.

I Had Good Sex

2006-04-22T12:51:00.000-04:00

Oh my God, we got drunk at that bar in Virginia. I picked up on two European guys and my Man decided I needed some fun so we all took a cab back to the Spanish guy's place. One thing led to another, then all of a sudden, the Spanish guy is going down on me and my Man is taking pictures. This guy had a huuuuge tongue.

Then the German guy jumped in and they doubled up on me for a while. The German guy was totally energetic, and um... big... and gave me quite a lot to be thankful for. I think I finally understand the phrase "road whoring."

Off to our next adventure.
-Diddy's Mug

Three Generations of Trashers

2006-04-17T18:24:00.000-04:00

Isn't that cool looking? My Man took me to Virginia and we hung out with a Trasher while we were near the coast. We had someone take our picture, and then we had them take a high-definition photo so we could magnify our faces for you. Below is three generations of Trash. Wow.

The last photo is what happens when the tide goes in and out all the time. The mud gets super-deep and nasty and some hashers are scared of it. Oh, and it stinks, too.

We're heading out to a bar soon. More later.

-Diddy's Mug

Spam Wasn't Enough?

2006-04-12T18:39:00.000-04:00

So apparently the group at the Dallas party had one more prank up their sleeve that they never told me about. I'm glad I could help them with their elementary-school science experiment. Ugh.

Hiking in the Mountains

2006-04-08T18:13:00.000-04:00

Hi all. It turns out getting internet access while traveling isn't always easy. Here are some pictures of me hiking. It's pretty up there in the mountains, and there's a lot of neat stuff to see.

I don't have a whole lot of time to type at the moment, but I did want to bring up one thing: Apparently Mommy is having some sort of breakdown (or at least was at some point) because she wrote this not too long ago on her blog:

Could my life get any worse?
Ok so my mug is still missing...
I am a violent drunk (not always but recently)...
And other stuff that I don't want to talk about...
And now my car is dying...

Mommy, I'm not missing. I know exactly where I am. Please don't worry. I hope you're doing OK and not beating up too many people. Did me going away start all this? I would feel really bad, although there's not a whole lot I can do about it at the moment. I'm sure if my Man knew you were close to snapping or going postal that he's consider talking to you about giving me back. But he has mentioned that he still has plans for me. And since 1. You left me behind that day and 2. you mentioned at some point you have a replacement mug, it doesn't seem he feels that bad. Yet. E-mail him if you want, Mommy. He's nice. Please feel better Mommy. I love you.

-Your Mug

Check This Out

2006-04-03T13:45:00.000-04:00

Hey y'all. We just got back into civilization from a great extended weekend southeast of Knoxville at Great Smoky Mountains National Park. Here's me chilling a couple days ago. I've got more pictures, but I'll have to post them later. My Man and I are going food and booze shopping.

-Diddy's Mug

My Man Is...

2006-03-28T21:51:00.000-05:00

My Man is a freelance porn photographer.

Let that sink in. I’ll wait.

My kind, gentle, patient Man takes pictures of naked girls for websites. He’s currently working for a group trying to get a website together called “Outdoor Whores.” The problem is this huge internet company called TRFCN that’s based in Michigan, which somehow buys domain names and parks them. One of the addresses they have is outdoorwhores.com. There’s been a huge, annoying fight over it, and at this point, the group might have to rethink the web address or name of the site.

Either way, my Man’s getting paid. He had a girl lined up when we were in Dallas, and the reason why we headed west when we left was because he had another shoot in Abilene. Then he went east-ish to Little Rock, then on to Memphis and Nashville. His last girl was in Knoxville, and that’s where he got sick. He now has 20 shoots under his belt, and has the rights to all the photos until the group fulfills the contract and sends him a final check. There’s also something in the contract about royalties. In case you’re thinking that 20 girls doesn’t seem like a lot for a site, he says there are actually 60 to start with, but he didn’t do all of them. Some other guy did the girls on the east coast, and a husband and wife team who are totally into the S&M/WAM thing did the west coast.

I didn’t believe my Man at first when he was telling me all this, but then he took me to the back of his truck and showed me all the lighting stuff he has. You know those silvery reflector things? He has those, and says they help keep shadows off the girls. Yeah, he even uses them outside. He also showed me his camera, which was huge. One of the lenses was so big, it wouldn’t even fit inside me. Wow.

My Man also explained the party in Dallas, since I got too drunk to remember all of it. Apparently, there was more to the night than me just grabbing guys’ dicks. After that, he says I took Dallas into the room and blew him, but Dallas was too drunk to do anything else and passed out. Then I apparently took another dude into another room and we were messing around, but someone busted in and got us out. That’s when the Spam thing started.

So my Man’s doing better. He’s really glad he was done with the assignment before he got sick. I asked him how he might have caught a bacterial infection, and he says he doesn’t know. He must have seen a certain look on my face because he said something like “Before you starting inventing stories in your head, you can’t get what I had from having sex with girls you photograph outdoors.” He said he doesn’t hook up with the models anyway. I told him I was more worried about him catching something when we were in Dallas from having sex with… um… me, and he said he never had sex with me either, spam or no spam. I guess I was just assuming he joined in, but he said he would never do that, since he’s taking care of me. Plus, he said even if he wanted to he wouldn’t, because he would feel really creepy about it after seeing that Junk Stuffer took his junk and stuffed me.

Since my Man’s done with work for the time being, he’s taking me hiking and to see a few cities before he goes back home. He won’t tell me where home is because he says I’ll blab and then some of you might figure out who he is. OK, so other than the mystery of his home city, I think I’ve caught all of you up, and there are no more loose ends. Let me know if I forgot anything.

Thanks for reading, guys. I’ll have pictures next time.

-Diddy’s Mug

Looking Back

2006-03-25T10:02:00.000-05:00

OK, I’ve pieced together some things and I think a timeline would be helpful. Ready?

SATURDAY, MARCH 11
We leave Dallas, heading west. I’m locked in a box. I come to the realization that I’m horny.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 15
We’re now north-east of Dallas in Nashville. We stop at a hotel and I get online in the lobby. I open a mysterious e-mail with a picture of a Spam can. I send Mommy an e-mail. Here it is:

Hi Mommy. I had a couple minutes to myself and just wanted to say Hi and tell you that I'm OK. We left Dallas and have been driving, but I was being bitchy so my Man started keeping me in a duffle bag. It smells like a cross between stinky shoes and beer. Sort of like when you used to take me camping.

I don't really know what's going on right now. I think we've been on the road five days. He hasn't been driving the whole time, and when he leaves the car, he hasn't been taking me with him. He takes me out at night though so I can sleep in a warm bed. It's nice.

Oh, I gotta go. We're going out to dinner. Maybe I can pick up some sort of clue about where we're at.

Love,
Your Mug

My Man happens to see that last sentence I wrote, and feels bad that he’s keeping things from me. He makes a mental note to explain some things. Mommy replies right away and it makes me so happy.

Please tell me you had nothing to do with those TX wildfires? I thought I raised you better than that...

I miss you lots, but have a stand in, someone else's lost hash mug...You two have met before I will try and get a picture of him and see if you remember...

It will be sad not having you with me at the ho-down...Please tell your keeper to take good care of you and not to get you into much trouble...

I saw the picture from Dallas' house, I should have warned you about Tequila it has the same affects on me..

Luv you!
Hope to see you soon
Mama Dids

Those Texas fires Mommy was talking about were mostly in the Texas panhandle, and burned an area close to the size of Delaware. I’m not kidding.

THURSDAY, MARCH 16
I find out the guys at the Dallas party used the Spam to rejuvenate my gaping hole. My Man sees the pictures and makes a mental note to explain the parts of the party I can’t remember because I blacked out. I get the first of several e-mails asking me why I didn’t post the letter I sent to Mommy and the reply she sent me. That’s already taken care of.

FRIDAY, MARCH 17
We’re in Knoxville and my Man starts getting sick.

MONDAY, MARCH 20
After spending the weekend suffering in a hotel room, my Man checks out of the hotel and checks into the E.R. I wind up in the car, back in the stinky duffle bag.

TUESDAY, MARCH 21
The people at the hospital diagnose my Man. They say he’s got a severe bacterial infection, and that however he caught it, the bacteria spread really quickly. They explain that the bacteria produced toxins and that’s why he’s sick. They shake their heads and can’t believe he got out of the hotel and into the E.R. on his own power. He’s hooked up to an I.V. and is on about 200 medications. Actually, how many medications do they make? He’s on that many.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 22
My Man calls Junk Stuffer, who posts something online.

FRIDAY, March 24
My Man comes and gets me and we go to a new hotel in Knoxville. He looks like poo that was microwaved, chilled and heheated. Not that I’ve seen rewarmed poo, but hey. He looks worse than normal poo.

SATURDAY, March 25
This morning. My Man wakes up and he showers and he looks better. We have one of those hotel breakfasts and then we talk. I have some questions, and when I don’t ask the questions, he makes good on all his mental notes. And he has a bombshell.
But I’ll save that for later.

-Diddy’s Mug

Sort of Confusing

2006-03-24T22:07:00.000-05:00

My Man finally came and got me tonight. We're at a hotel somewhere. He had a laptop with him, and he plugged it into the wall. He put the laptop on the desk, plunked me down in front of it and went to bed. He looked really tired.

As you can tell, I'm back on the internet. I'm now just hoping to kill a little time until he wakes up, but I don't have a lot of detail to give out right now. I'm dying to know what's been going on. Hopefully I'll know more later tonight or tomorrow morning.

The one thing I can tell you is that I got a few e-mails. Below is one from Wednesday I thought was cool. OK, more later.

-Diddy's Mug

Dear Diddy's Mug:

I just read about your Man and I hope you're OK. I know things must be hard for you right now. Hopefully things will calm down for you soon and you'll be able to have some positive experiences on the road. We're all pulling for you here.

Stay away from the Spam.

Love,

Cindy C.
Florence, CO

The Latest

2006-03-22T05:46:00.000-05:00

Hey guys. I just found out Diddy's Mug's Man is pretty sick. He had to go to the hospital while they were on the road. He tells me he's OK now, but apparently, Diddy's Mug has been stuck in his car for a while in a stinky bag. So who knows how she's doing. Expect the full story from one of them in a couple days.

-Junk Stuffer

Oh, Fuck

2006-03-16T19:24:00.000-05:00

What is This?

2006-03-15T21:29:00.000-05:00

Hi all. We're staying at a hotel tonight and my Man let me out of the box briefly when he saw that there was internet access in the lobby. He left me at the computer and said, "You should be OK here." And then as he was walking away, he looked around and mumbled something like, "I don't see a whole lot of dicks for you to grab right now." Ouch.

I was able to check my inbox and saw a message from a gibberish e-mail address. I was going to delete it but the subject line was "While You Were Passed Out." I was expecting the worst when I saw "Ha Ha" and the .jpg attachment, but all I got was a picture of a Spam can. Huh? I don't know if that's supposed to mean something or not.

Anyway, I have to go. I'm going to try to send Mommy an e-mail.

-Diddy's Mug

On the Road Again

2006-03-11T10:03:00.000-05:00

OK, let me explain why I'm locked in this thing:

Apparently, this will keep me out of trouble for a while. We left Dallas, and I'd have to say I'm a little relieved. Not only did my slutty behavior kill the mood, but some armed psycho is on the loose here. He was in a standoff with a SWAT team just a few miles from the house yesterday. Seriously, check out this link while it's still online:

http://www.nbc5i.com/news/7877071/detail.html

The lunatic is wanted on a murder warrant and barricaded himself in the house with hostages. The hostages came out, and after a few hours, SWAT gassed the house and rushed and in, but the guy was GONE. Now they're thinking he escaped before anyone got there. Well, I hope so. We were sitting there watching it go down on NATIONAL TV, and there were helicopters and 50 trazillion cop cars everywhere. So as you can probably guess, I'm not too irritated about being locked in this stupid thing.

My Man had to do some work for Dallas for two days to pay off the debt. I don't know what Dallas does, or what My Man does, and I haven't asked. I'm sort of laying low right now because I feel so guilty. At least they parted on good terms. My Man hid a new hash shirt in the house for Dallas to find later, and handed him a bottle of high-end bourbon right before we left. Dallas was really happy. He loves booze. Ha. I guess we all do.

It looks like my Mommy is planning a campout. I don't think my Man is going to take me there, since we were driving away from the sunrise this morning. He has been teaching me about geography and some other random road-whoring stuff, so I know we're driving more west-ish than east-ish. He says knowing things like that make traveling more fun, and I'd have to admit, I was really excited and proud of myself when I figured that out all on my own. At one point right after we left I said, "So we must be heading toward Ft. Worth" and he sounded really impressed. I didn't even have a map in front of me at the time. Yay!

Anyway, Mommy's campout is called a Ho Down. My Man explained what a Ho is because everyone said that's how I acted on the night of the party. I don't know if I'm a Ho or not, but I've definitely had this tingly, excited feeling for the past couple days. I think I'm horny.

-Diddy's Mug

Oh Crap

2006-03-08T17:35:00.000-05:00

The drive to Dallas was a sort of a downer, since I hadn’t seen Mommy’s letter. I had been a little bummed. Anyway, after dealing with some extra-shitty traffic, we got to our destination: A house that my Man’s friend owns in Highland Park. As soon as I saw the area, I was pretty excited. You’re not going to believe the guy’s name. Dallas. I’m not kidding. He had it tattooed on his chest. What is it called? Irony? Coincidence? I don’t know. So he took us out to eat, and I had a few drinks, and then we got back to the house. A bunch of people came over and I started having a really good time. And then the tequila came out.

Guys, I was bad. We played cool card games and three man and I was three man a lot and I got kind of drunk. I don't remember this, but my man says I got really flirty. And then even flirtier. And then I apparently took off all my clothes and grabbed guys dicks and broke stuff and puked all over the place. Well, not apparently, since there’s a picture of me passed out in my own vomit. Wow, I didn’t know my ass was that dirty.

I found out later my Man had to buy replacement stuff and pay Dallas so he could steam-clean his sofa. Um, I puked all over that, too. I’m really in a lot of trouble right now, especially since I don't have a job and don’t make any money.

Mommy, if you’re reading this, I woke up the next morning and Dallas let me online and saw that you had written me. So you still love me? I wasn’t sure. I like my Man, but he’s mad right now and I miss you.
My pussy hurts.

-Diddy’s Mug

Editor's Note

2006-03-06T18:53:00.000-05:00

Poor, confused Mug. She left on her road trip not knowing if her Mommy is still a Loyal Mommy or a Once-Loyal-But-Not-Loyal-Anymore Mommy. This is because Diddy's first letter to her precious property came too late:

Dear Mug :)
We're all going to Dallas, We're all going to Dallas!!
WOW you are traveling more than I ever have...I have never been to Texas I hope you meet some hot Cowboys...
Be safe, don't take drinks from strangers, and look both ways before crossing the street
Luv,
Mama Diddy

This letter would have really helped add some cheer to the start of the road trip. Even though Diddy’s Mug now has a Man to keep her warm at night, her bond with her Mommy was quite strong. I don't know how much you all know about Mug Psychology, but an upset Mug is never a good thing. We'll have to wait and see how this plays out.
Stay tuned.

-Junk Stuffer

I Got Fan Mail

2006-03-03T15:02:00.000-05:00

Dear Mommy:
I just got my first e-mail from a fan! We were just about ready to leave for Dallas when I checked my Man's e-mail account one last time. Wow, this is so exciting. How come you've never e-mailed me Mommy? Don't you love me anymore?
-(Your?) Mug

Dear Diddy's Mug:

Congratulations on your upcoming adventure. I'm glad to see you're being treated with respect, as opposed to... well, you know what I mean. Good luck! Please keep writing. You're definitely a treasure.

LaVonne W.
Walnut, Iowa

Goody!

2006-03-01T16:33:00.000-05:00

Dear Mommy:
We're going to Dallas! Not that I know where we are now, but apparently, it's not Dallas. Maybe I'll be able to figure out where we are when we leave and I can tell you where my new man lives. Then again, maybe I don't want you to know...
Your Mug

My New Favorite Man

2006-02-27T17:11:00.000-05:00

Dear Mommy:
I just wanted you to see what kind of man I found. Check out this bubble bath. Ohhhh, it felt soooo good. Next to me is my new favorite drink: Rum ‘n Ca. He even gave me a special straw to suck on. Mmmm…

Later, we talked about the fun traveling that you and I have done and he said he wants to make me happy, so it looks like we’ll be heading out soon. Did I say head? I’ll give some of that. ;)

Your Mug

Dear Mommy:

2006-02-23T14:20:00.000-05:00

Dear Mommy:
I’ve been transferred to a new man. It made me miss you for a minute and I tried to sneak out, but then he broke out with a whip and let me know what happens to bad girls who disobey. It stung a little, but you know what? I liked it. A lot.

I just found out I only made #4 on your weekend-recap post from Monday. You care more about Honey Bombs?

Why Mommy?
Your Mug

Looky What I Got

2006-02-23T09:26:00.000-05:00

Diddy:
I’m the new owner of your shit. Junk-stuffer sent the precious cargo via UPS and even sent me the shipping receipts so there’s no evidence at his house to incriminate him. I have to keep your shit in the box for now. There are some intriguing items I need to purchase for our future time together. Defiling your property. Wow. I think I’m getting a boner.
-lhp

Mug On The Move

2006-02-22T09:22:00.000-05:00

Dear Mommy:
I think I’m being sent away. I was in the other room and I heard the man on the phone talking about his cover being blown. And I haven’t blown anything (yet) so I’m assuming he meant someone found out he has me. That might be why he also mentioned something about hashers never being able to keep secrets. You can’t keep secrets either, Mommy. Is that why we’re not together anymore? Anyway, he put me in this box full of nice cushy padding, and at first, I thought this was my new bed. At least until he sealed me inside. It’s dark and I’m scared.
Love,
Your Mug

Torture? Maybe Not...

2006-02-20T20:56:00.000-05:00

Dear Mommy:
You left without me. I cried for a while and fell asleep because I was still kinda drunk. Then I was awakened to a lot of laughing and some hashers were throwing around big words like dubahshury or something. They grabbed me and I was scared for a minute, but then one of them put me under a faucet and actually washed me. You've never done that before, mommy. It felt nice. Then one of them was stuffing me with his junk. Why haven't you ever explained men to me before? I mean, I've seen them around, but never like THAT. I kinda liked it. I'll have to talk later. I think he's cumming. I mean, coming. Hee Hee.
Love,
Your Mug